A Series of Unfortunate Delays
by LM Simpson
Summary: oneshot Five times that Haddock and Tintin were disrupted during their sexual play.


**Title: **A Series of Unfortunate Delays  
**Author: **LM Simpson (Kady the Red Panda)  
**Pairing(s): **Tintin/Haddock  
**Rating: **M  
**Warning(s): **slash, cockblockers, sexual content  
**Disclaimer: **I am not associated with Moulinsart. **  
Other tidbits: **Yet another one for the kinkmeme! I'm writing this in the style of one of those "five times so and so did something" type fanfics. Well, sorta. So this is essentially "five times that Tintin and Haddock's sexy fun times were delayed and-or ruined by something stupid."

0000

I.

Tintin's eyes darted from the newspaper he was reading in a stuffy navy blue armchair to the ajar door to the reading room. Captain Haddock stood redfaced under the door panels, clutching the brass doorknob in one hand and squeezing a crumbled sheet of Tintin's stationary in his other fist.

Tintin took a deep breath, fought to keep a level head. Fate's reins had just passed from him to the captain.

"How long?" Haddock asked. The man was tomato red about the cheeks. He slid his sweaty hand from the knob and pointed. "How long have you—"

"Awhile."

"Something more elaborate than that, please?"

"I have always felt something for you, Captain."

"Like love at first sight, lad?"

Tintin shook his head. He closed the newsprint pages together and dropped them to the floor. "Not exactly. When I first met you, I felt pity more than anything for you. But as I got to know you… I admired how determined you are when you want to be, how 'diehard' stubborn you are, your lingual quirks… How could I _not_ fall for you?"

Haddock stood more erect and inhaled as Tintin got up and stopped his brief walk beside him. "And besides, Captain… I would not have written that letter if I wasn't so positive that the romantic feelings were mutual."

Haddock remembered the ink-scripted words on the crumbled up paper very clearly. And it was not just because his body heat was smearing whatever exposed letters onto his palm-skin as Tintin spoke. He grew a redder tomato color on his cheeks.

"How did you _know_, you ginger devil?"

Tintin grinned. "It wasn't _that_ hard to tell, Captain. I've heard it in your voice. I've seen it in your actions. I've read that entry in your journal where you described how my buttocks resemble a perfect little peach. I—"

Haddock's entire face turned deep scarlet. "You read my journal? Why you—"

Tintin placed two fingers on the captain's bottom lip. "That's not important, Captain. What is important is that I love you and you love me. The attraction we both have for each other is clearly present." He raised his head closer to Haddock's with each word as he said: "So why don't we get together? Like thisss…"

Tintin lowered his hand, clasped his arms around the strong, well-built captain he felt so compelled to kiss, bite, and suck. Tintin and Haddock, eyes deep set on the other, both leaned closer towards each other.

Their lips only brushed, however, when they heard the Milanese Nightingale and the professor making quite the racket next door. Haddock and Tintin broke apart. Tintin blinked, growing redder as he found himself more surprised at the fact that absent-minded ol' Calculus actually had sexual urges than the fact that he actually managed to get beyond second base with Bianca Castafiore. Haddock, meanwhile, banged against a wall and yelled for them to pipe down.

Tintin sighed. "Let's just go to another room, Captain."

II.

Tintin rubbed himself against Haddock's back, peppering his left shoulder with pecks. Haddock guided the lad's hands about his torso, forbidding them access to the enlarging spot between his legs for the time being.

"I want you," the red-faced Tintin whispered between two more desperate smooches. "I want you inside me, Captain."

Haddock, close-eyed, breathed deeply through his nose. Yes, he wanted Tintin too. Oh, how he wanted him. If he could, he would take him right then and there in the dark second floor hallway that the boy had ambushed him in. But—

"Are you sure you can handle me, lad? You know we have never done 'it' before."

"I'm sure that I can," he said before another smooch, this one on Haddock's earlobe. A hand escaped the captain's control and fled under his black pants. Haddock shuddered and groaned with want as soft, petite reporter hands played with his cock.

"Trust me, I've been training for it for a long, long, time."

…

"Yes! Yes! _Yes_!"

The men found themselves on Tintin's bed. Tintin leaned towards the foot of his bed, dug his fingers and grasped for dear life as the captain fucked him from behind. Haddock panted as he grabbed Tintin's sides tighter and thrusted his entire length in and out of the reporter. The bed squeaked and bounced with each thrust and any hard, sudden movement.

Tintin, still essentially on all fours, grabbed his cock and grasped it.

"Oh, there! Right there, Captain! Yes! Don't stop! Don't stop!"

Tintin lifted his upper half up, still playing with his cock and still letting Haddock fuck him as he moaned.

"Captain! Captain! I'm gonna—"

Tintin screamed, and not with pleasure, but of fright. The door slammed open, striking the wall like a deadbeat beating his wife. Thomson and Thompson jumped inside the room, all the while still dressed in their matching striped pajamas and the bowler hats they never entered public without.

Haddock stopped thrusting. He was so horrified when the detectives entered the room that he instantly grew soft. His nuts tightened further in punishment. Tintin covered his shame with the ends of his bedsheets.

"Thundering typhoons! Haven't you two fools ever heard of privacy? And what are you two doing here at three in the morning? Get out of here!"

The detectives removed their bowler hats and obscured their faces with them. They retreated backwards as Thomson began:

"We are terribly sorry! We just had the most serendipitous revelation about our latest case and just had to contact Tintin! We could barely contain ourselves!"

Thompson continued: "To be precise: We are terribly, terribly, sorry! We will contact you first thing in the morning, Tintin!"

The two collided at the door. Thompson squeezed out first before they both fled, leaving the door open. They still covered their eyes as they arrived at the staircase. The detectives tumbled down the stairs, somehow mysteriously not cracking their necks even slightly before landing in a tangle on the first floor.

Thomson put his bowler back on his head first. "I won the bet, Thompson. I said that gingers like Tintin had matching red thatches between their legs. And I was correct!"

Thompson sighed. "Would you prefer to have the ten pounds as an IOU?"

III.

Snowy ran after a butterfly, diving into a bush and from sight. The terrier would return eventually, but not for a while. At least, "not a while" long enough for some fun.

"Blistering barnacles Tintin!" Haddock said as Tintin's lithe fingers went for his zipper. "Have you lost your mind? We're in public!"

"We're in a _forest_," Tintin said, "Not in a back alley. And you know I've been wanting to try this for awhile. As long as you don't screech like a banshee we'll be fine."

Tintin pulled back Haddock's obstructing tweed jacket before widening his pant fly. Down went Haddock's anchor print boxers, just enough so that Tintin could fish out the captain's hot, thick cock without having his pants and underwear completely down. A quick, slick lick on the salty head brought a sudden shudder from up Haddock's spine to out his throat.

Tintin grinned. He softly tugged more length from the restricting dress pants before licking the underside from base to head. To his satisfaction the captain grew larger the more he relaxed. He sucked on the head like he would a popsicle.

Haddock began instinctively lightly thrusting more into Tintin's mouth. The lad was more than happier to have more of Haddock to enjoy.

Tintin closed his eyes to soak in the pleasure mounting in his groin. When he opened his eyes, they noticed something olive brown slithering centimeters away from Haddock's shoe.

The reporter shot away from Haddock's cock and yelled. "Great snakes!"

Haddock cocked his head down to the frightened lad. "Blistering barnacles, what are you do—"

He felt something slide over his loafer, tilted his face in its direction.

Nestor made sure to avoid the broken step as he carried down another canister of lemon scented household cleaner. Ten steps towards his destination his main charges dashed up the stairs in terror, with Haddock's pants around his ankles and his mouth running off about a snake that was sure to kill him if he had not run away upon its sight. A couple of minutes later, Snowy slinked into the still open entrance.

The butler emitted an "hmm" sound before closing the door.

IV.

The axe blade smashed into the laboratory door once, twice, thrice. One final kick and Haddock managed to smash enough of the door to allow him to open it without breaking the lock.

Tintin, armed with a fire extinguisher, and Captain Haddock, still armed with the axe, coughed as they entered the wispy smoke filled laboratory.

"Professor!" Tintin yelled inbetween coughs, "Are you okay? Professor!"

"Cuthbert! If you can hear us, give us a sign!"

Professor Calculus's laboratory was in shambles yet again. He said he was attempting to invent a new form of cologne for the past week. Evidently the chemicals he was using somehow exploded, causing a small fire.

Tintin found a flaming puddle by a metal table occupied by a stack of papers and numerous liquid filled test tubes. A swoosh of the fire extinguisher and the fire was out.

Tintin had been in fires before, both big and small, but this was the first time he was ever aroused while inside one. To his surprise, Haddock was hard as well.

An axe and a fire extinguisher clanked to the floor. The men crept closer to each other.

"Captain, I…"

"Same as me, lad. Same as me."

The two locked lips and smooched passionately. Tintin slapped Haddock's butt, whereas Haddock squeezed Tintin's perk cheeks.

"There's something in here," Tintin panted as he unbuckled his plus-fours. "An aphrodisiac of some type."

"Who cares?" Haddock said, pulling off his pullover and exposing his well-formed chest. "All I want is you."

The two tongue wrestled before Haddock drug Tintin to the ground. They engaged in a sixty-nine just when they detected another person's presence.

"Ah! My aphrodisiac cologne is a success! Now I just need to stabilize the final product and it shall be perfected!"

Snowy entered the increasingly clearing room, looking confusedly at his master and his mate making love on the floor, and then at the satisfied professor. The terrier stepped back nervously as the professor turned with a goofy look on his face and muttering about how beautiful the whole scene was.

Tintin felt Haddock pushed off of him while the captain's teeth grazed his cock. A smooch from Calculus prompted a slap from Haddock before he wiped and spat the saliva from his lips and mouth.

V.

Tintin cracked open Haddock's bedroom door one stormy night. He lightly pushed it open From what the captain could see, the lad only wore his light blue robe.

Haddock checked his clock. It was one o' clock in the morning. A light thunderous rumble came from the window.

"Tintin! What took you so long? I've been waiting for you for over an hour!"

"I was making sure that Snowy was asleep. I didn't want him to see us do the deed, you know."

Haddock licked his lips. "Ah. Good point you have there, lad."

He pushed aside the heavy comforter that covered him and set aside a place for his lover. Tintin happily oblidged, unfurling his terry cloth cocoon and laying down his freckle ticked back against pillows. They kissed as Haddock tended after the seeping prick between Tintin's legs.

…

The men collapsed on the mattress, covered in sweat, cum, and who knows what else. Haddock slid out of Tintin; a slight stream of semen flowed onto the cover sheet. The two, both on their sides, clasped each other. Haddock's chest hair clinged against Tintin's sparse haired torso. They both smiled as they panted from fatigue and release-induced release. Rain hit the window as lightning lit up the room.

"Can I have the wet spot?" Tintin asked.

"Why can't I? I did all the dirty work."

"Oh, we can never make you happy, can we, Captain?" Tintin let out a laugh.

They leaned for a post-coital kiss until Tintin noticed a small little ghost popping its head out of the cracked door.

Snowy whimpered, then cried from fear when a loud boom filled the room.

"Come here, boy. Come here; it's all right…"

"Where are we going to put him, Tintin?"

"We'll just put him to my side," He replied, picking up his terrified pet. "Then we can still cuddle once he falls asleep."

But Snowy was not in on the plan. After a couple of lame attempts at shooing Snowy from the center, Tintin gave up.

"I'm not letting Snowy sit directly atop of it," Haddock said. He folded his pajama shirt and placed it atop the wet spot. For all he knew he would need to stain treat it before throwing it into the wash.

Tintin and Haddock awkwardly stared at each other as Snowy curled up and fell right asleep.


End file.
